Rainy days are always good for reflecting. Having a glass roof on your home makes you creative when those drops start faling. Their intensity is constant, and they fade and intensifies almost like a long lasting dance. There's nothing beter than typing away words in one of these days. Today, I chose to do so while reflecting the past 8 years managing people.
This article does not have the intention of being a guide, or management best practices. This not only is subjective, but you can also find state-of-the-art articles on "How to be a good manager" everywhere on the internet, or just by asking AI. These ones mainly focus on theory, but life happens differently than what's on the books. It does not mean tho, that they are garbage. It means that knowing and understanding different scenarions can prepare you for when a simmilar one comes. It's fine to study management.
This one is just a testimony of the things I learned and felt through the past 8 years managing people. I'm also prety sure that the things I'll write here today will not hit the same after I add a couple more years of experience in the field while being a leader, but instead, it will serve me as a checkpoint for further reflections down the road.
I got myself questioning: What is it that we manage people for? There are so many end goals, which ended up being so different. Do we manage them because of us or because of them? Who do we want to make happy in the process? What is the end goal of this career path?
It brings so many reflections that I don't necesserally have an answer for them. Managers have intrinsic, personal goals.
Reflecting on my past, the things I remember most are not the results of the business that me and my team were accountable for. I can't remember what were the KPIs that I've achieved in year X or Y. I can't really remember the problems that we had operationally and neither the meetings that were important. Somehow those does not come to me, but tracking them is what I do for around 80% of my time. It's the day to day drive of a business. If we're on target, than great, if we're not, than you should move yourself (and the team) to reach. Plan and act. Although, all of this still flies away when the cycle ends. The things I really remember are just a few flashes of people from my team getting impacted, either positivelly or negativelly.
I clearly remember the days prior to the dismissal of people. I remember some panic attack (woke up mid night, heart pumping, boddy shaking) before my first time firing someone. I remember their face, and even what they were wearing in some cases. It's just a moment that stucks with me when I'm on it. It makes me feel the taste of shit in my mouth (methaphor, I've never tasted shit).
I remember promoting people, fighting for people, coaching people and meeting their families. Seeing them getting married. Having conversations that were really impactfull somehow. Seeing them moving to a bigger place and adding kids to the family. This are the few things I remember. Seeing people looking at me as if I was somekind of a different one. "He chose to be a Manager". I don't always love to be a Manager.
I like to give people a chance. I don't know why. I'm not someone that is 100% strong on interviewing because I tend to search for hints of commitment (and this sometimes ended up being enough for me). I start a relationship trusting, and you have to do something to break it. 90% of the time works. The times it does not, the impact is huge. From managers that inspired myself, they always start with almost zero trust, and build up from there through time. From what I've seen, the last feels more rewarding and is how I got so much trust from my bosses in almost all experiences I've been. I like to build this trust. It's what somehow drive me to do a good work. This is also something that it seems to change based on culture/nationality.
It feels bad to be accountable for other people's mistake, but for me, feels like something I'll always be willing to do. Take the hit. It feels energetic to defend, even when people are wrong. It just feels that I'm the one accountable for the mistake somehow and I should have done better. Managers tend to not only take the hit but reflect on what the person could have done differently so that situation would never happen. This adds wheight to the pillow at night.
Lastly, the fact that a bad decision of yours impact more people than just you. A wrong call on buying something, a wrong decision on a project, a wrong way of managing conflict. This is silent because your decision is always your best guess, and you might have guessed wrong. Assumed premisses that were not the correct ones. Sometimes, if the decision you took has a broader impact, you will have to fire people because of a bad decision of yours. This one adds a truck loaded with steel on your pillow.
Adding weight to the pillow is not good for one's health, they say. Try not to mess up, or it will cost you peace of mind.
It feels rewarding when it works out. Basically, it is a feeling of insane accomplishment to live someone's else acomplishiments. This, no one can take it from you. Things could still go wrong on the KPI side, but there's always a way to positivelly impact people. You'll aways remeber the way you impacted someone, and they will always remeber you. For some, this is so critically bound to the sense of happiness that it is worth the trade-offs. That's my case. Going to work everyday is opening a chance of making someone better than they were before. You also get to improve yourself doing so. Achieving this reset the weight of the pilow everytime, so it's fine to have some heavier days.